he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
