just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
