If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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