no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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