How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
