I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am midnight drunk by noon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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