we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
