I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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