Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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