My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
