I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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