just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This girl is more easily done than said...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
