is your mom at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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