if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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