Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
