She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
