Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
