Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
