Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
