you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
