I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
