If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
