if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
