This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
