are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
