I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
