I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
