So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
