I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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