Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
