my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
