Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
