so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
