You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
