this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
