I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
