Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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