Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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