So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
