i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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