She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
