wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
