I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
