Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
