Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
