my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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