I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
