sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
