My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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