if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
