Tell her she can't have a vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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