She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
