Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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