Grow some girl-balls and come out already
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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