Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
there is glitter all over my balls
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