nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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