The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
