happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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