ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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