so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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