But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
