sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
