The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
