it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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