Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
