I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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