I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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