gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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