just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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