if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
