White coat. Heels.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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