I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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