seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
