I smell stomach acid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
