I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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